Tanyahealingminds

They say the best writing starts after experiencing immense emotional pain. It can happen to you or a loved one. A pain that feels physical. Like every cell, muscle and organ, ligament and tendon are stretching until they can’t anymore. It takes and takes and takes until one day it just…… bursts.

I don’t know if my masterpieces are drawn out of the most painful instances yet. But then something made me come here and share a tall story for the first time… so here I am.

An ordinary person living an ordinary life. But who defines what is “ordinary” and what is not?

Today Shanaya was sitting in her balcony having a coffee with the spouse. An ordinary day. When she broached a topic about a medical test that she wanted to get, it turned into an extra ordinary conversation of how difficult she is and how she listens to sentences and jumps to conclusions. The response from the spouse was “make sure you get a doctor who is within a short distance”. She warned him to change the stance and think about a good doctor irrespective of the distance. She reminded him to be mindful of the fact that everyone in the family needs a good doctor and not one based on convenient logistics. Alas, she confused him with that request.

So, women don’t come with instruction manuals is what men say, but a woman does warn you 10 times and more to be more concerned and sensitive. And yet, when the man does not stop being cold she simple states that she is not considered an equal priority in comparison to all other family members. When they’d need a checkup, distance was not a criterion at all. Quality was. Period.

Fam, this evaluation is not based on one incident alone. Believe me when I say, there are many women who’d take third class treatment from the in-laws with a smile, a nod, a shrug, a joke, a polite request for considering her to be a top priority, until she knows. She knows. That no one will do so and is not required to do so, because she needs to love herself.

Dear men, please remember to love yourself because no one else will. Said no one, to ANY man ever. Strange that this is a robust empowerment line on media posts for most women these days. It comes with an invisible sigh each time someone pens it down.

In the midst of this introspection, the conversation that never was, and the decision to cut off communication in terms of expressing concerns to a spouse…. she noticed a middle-aged German shepherd dog tied to a rope in a rich independent home just below her building. How she hoped to counsel his owners is a different story. But she watched him for almost 3 years since they moved there. In his initial years Doggo barked and yelped for the owners to listen to him, untie him, secure him from the rain, or stray monkeys or the summer heat. No one listened. He still lives there shelter less, tied in the day, loose in the night and at the end of a leash. He is a creature of divine providence too. But even he gave up calling for help, sharing his concerns, vocalizing his needs, because everyone thought that he is just another yelping puppy – he is just a dog. Needed for security as a guard dog, but not important enough to be loved and heard. After 3-4 years of crying for love and calling for attention, he resigned. He accepted fate. Bound to the chain he twirls around in the same muck around him living each day until peace will eventually take over.

Silence prevailed.

As a woman, and I speak for so many more like me, life is not different. If you are bold, independent, smart and a bread earner, society would still expect to have 8 hands and several heads with compassion, empathy, super natural abilities to work and manage the home, stay silent, adjust, compromise, and “understand” your spouse. Say what they want to hear. Especially if it boosts the male ego. “Go serve him”. “Go see if he needs something” “After all he is your husband”

In case you are a more of a home bud, taking are of the house and kids, you’d still need to don an invisible cloak, in a full time thankless role and have a big heart that says “I Don’t do it for the gratitude, I am who I am because I love everybody” Deep down, you know that you need to love yourself because no one will.

For Shanaya today, silence prevailed too. But she will not be giving up on loving herself. After all I am with her. A clinical Hypnotherapist and a Life coach. Life happens but then we run the tide over as we go. Who better than us to tell ourselves “All is well” and proceed to heal.

Are there anymore out there who want to share their story?